Friday, March 08, 2013

Scary Story

Posted by K 

Prepare yourselves for a horror story the likes you've never seen!

Okay, it's more accurate to say: a horror story the likes you've never seen drawn! In Paint! That actually happened! To us!

The scene: M's House: Night.

It started as an innocent sleepover, with the goal of catching up on the latest episodes of the tv show New Girl. You know, the one with Zooey Deschanel. It's pretty hilarious. Not Modern Family hilarious, but it beats Two Broke Girls pretty hard.

It was about 9pm, and we were taking a break before switching to a Disney movie. I hear you judging us, and I don't care.

I took a bathroom break, and while walking by the upstairs I heard a really bizarre noise.

It's really hard to describe, it started pretty faint, but it was kind of like a mix of jingle bells, someone laughing and a baby crying. The Jingle-Laugh-Baby Cry was on a loop every 10 seconds or so. I sort of stood there for a minute trying to figure out if it was coming from outside (NO) or from the neighbor's house (NO). And as I stood there it started to get louder. M (from the couch) saw the weird look on my face and came over:

K: "Do you have any Christmas decorations up there?"

M: "No, we don't have any noise-making ones anyway".

Cue awkward pause while we both tried to think logically what it could be.....then:

Yes, there was screaming. No, it was not dignified.

At this point you may be thinking that we are both giant babies. But you have to believe me, the sound was super disturbing. I spent almost 3 hours trying to upload the sound to this blog last Saturday, just to prove it. Alas, my arch-enemy (technology) won again. Note to Blogger: ADD A SOUND FUNCTION!!!!

I can't really explain why we thought someone was in the house, I mean, we'd been sitting there for over 2 hours. We'd both been upstairs at different points. Pretty sure we would have noticed some creepy person hanging out. I can only say that I thought it was some sort of serial killer trying to play mental games with us. On a completely unrelated note, I watch much too much Criminal Minds.

After our movie-esque screams I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a big knife and M ran to the living room and grabbed her cell phone. We rendezvous'd on the couch facing the stairs. I think we were pretty freaking organized considering there was no "serial killer" plan in place*

*Note to everyone: you should probably put a "serial killer" plan on paper. Like a fire escape plan. You know, just in cases.

What followed were 2 phone calls: a frantic one to M's husband to come home IMMEDIATELY. The second one was him calling back to check the actual threat level. I only heard one side of the convo as I was manning the knife, but I imagine it went something like this:

A (M's husband): Hi again. I just wanted to check, is this something that can be really easily explained?

M: NO, it's like nothing I've ever heard!

A (M's husband): It couldn't be something like, I don't know, the alarm clock?

M: The alarm doesn't make that sound!!! Wait. Doesn't it have a 'jungle noise' setting? Hmmm. Stay on the line while we take the knife and go check."

We climbed the stairs together brandishing the knife in front of us, opened the bedroom door, and yes, it was the stupid alarm clock. I ask you, what company is sadistic enough to think people would EVER want to wake up to that?!
They just made my 'Revenge' list. And that is not a place you want to be. Once I have the time (and some money) I will be getting even with every single person/corporation on that list. A storm is coming.

Silver-lining: If it really had been a serial killer, we would have confused the living daylights out of him. He would have been all "I'll play this creepy noise, then they'll come upstairs and I'll grab them! BwaHaHA!"
But instead he would have heard some screaming and then come downstairs to find us armed and cell-phoned! It may have just been a knife, but we were both Chief Scouts. We are highly trained in the art of knife and ax wielding. Also, we are highly trained in building toilets in the woods. But I digress.

After it was all over we sort of laughed (well, nervous giggle is more accurate), and watched our Disney. But I think I speak for both of us when I say the emotional scars will last much longer. And now I associate New Girl with serial killers. Thank you alarm company.

Side-note: Where was Darcy the cat during all this? In the basement. Sleeping. Yeah, best attack cat ever.

1 comment: