Sunday, September 01, 2013

Bus Points update

Posted by K

Today I did something I've been putting off for 8 months.

I tallied up my bus hours. And let me tell you, it was DEPRESSING.
Also, surprisingly math-filled.

I had to sit down with 2 different agendas (2012 and 2013) and a calculator. And when I lost count of the total days for the third time I switched to using Excel. I even used a formula I remembered from university, which was freaking impressive (I think).

Just in case anyone doubts my commitment to an accurate time count, here is a screen shot of my various calculations:

Complicated eh? All those numbers and columns. And rows.

And all this on a Saturday!

Anyway, as you can see on the left, I have crossed the thousand hour mark. If my math is correct, that is the equivalent of over 50 days.

Holy cow. I am not going to think about that one too much, or I may start screaming. Can that be right? If anyone finds a flaw in my math please let me know, I would be really happy to know that I did not waste a month and a half on the bus. Please.

In other (much happier) news, I passed my G2 Drive test this week!!!!!! For those unfamiliar with Canadian driving, there is a 3 grade system to get your licence, G1 (written test), G2 (driving test), G (highway exit test). I have written (and passed) the G1 3 times, it lasts for 5 years and has always expired before I tried my driving test.
You may be asking why it took so long. That, my friends, is a story for another day.

Actually, now that I think about it, it's not that long: I didn't have $ for the driving lessons at 17, so I put it off, and basically that procrastination saw me through to this year, where I rewrote, then my brother-in-law was like "book your driving test, I'll take you driving", and a bunch of awesome people let me drive their cars for a month (which was very trusting/nice) and now I've finally passed! Yays!

Which brings me to my new goal: Stop before I live another 50 days on the bus :S

Or, in a more festive way:


Friday, August 23, 2013

A brand new level of procrastination

Posted by K 

Alright. So I'm a giant liar and I haven't posted all summer.

What can I say; I suck.


Now that we've got that out of the way, on with the post!

This past month I decided to try a more positive outlook on life. Which is difficult for me because sometimes I feel like the universe has targeted me as some kind of cosmic joke.

Regardless, I've been giving it a shot.

To be honest, it's not gone well. For example, last Wednesday I started my morning like "This will be the bestest day ever!" Then my shoes literally disintegrated on my way into work and I was back to "this sucks out loud".
Anywho, we persevere.

Since it's been awhile, here are some updates from my summer:
  • I've reached 190 lunchmate points, which means I only need 60 more until I get a free movie. Aw yeaaah.
  • They've discontinued my red hair dye. I am offically a blond again for the first time in about 10 years.
Feel free to post all your 'dumb blonde' jokes in the comments. Get it out of your system. Because if you say one to my face I will light you on fire.

Okay. That was pretty negative. Now I have to post something positive to outweigh it...

Nailed it.

I'm actually liking the blonde now, plus I save the $$ on hair dye. Don't worry though. For the sake of clarity I'm continuing to draw myself with red hair. That way you can tell M and me apart. We are twins, you know. It would be extra difficult to tell us apart now, what with the same colour hair and all. And the fact that there are no facial features on our drawings.

But it's mostly the twin thing.

I'm hoping to post more about my summer, I won't make any promises though, because apparently I have no follow-through. Or maybe I just don't like rules. I'm sticking it to the man! Which in this case is me.

hmmm. I'm starting to see why the universe may want to mess with me. 

Anyway, have great Fridays!!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Trip a little, Talk a little

Posted by M

I've done quite a bit of travelling across Canada this summer. It's been a fabulous time, with lots of ups and downs (The Rockies...haha, I made a funny), tons of good food (waiting in line for 40 mins for fish and chips in Victoria is ABSOLUTELY worth it!), and the best company (it's truly amazing my husband didn't throttle me after so many days in our car with me singing). During my time in the Canadian West and the American North, I have learned many a good tip for the hopeful traveller. Here are just a few of those tips:

1. Tim Horton's is the BESTEST coffee shop in the world.
          In Canada, nothing gets you going like a double double:
Pre-coffee M is not pretty. And incoherently whiney.

The post-coffee M is equally unbearable, but ready to carpe my diem, baby!

          In the States, don't even THINK about asking for a double double.
Every American coffee shop. Except Dunkin Donuts, but good bloody luck finding one of them right off the highway!

I think I finally understand the term 'swill'. And it was like $4. Le sigh.

2. Some American's seem to have a tendency to overreact. They are very kind, but very loud.

In a North Dakota Subway washroom:
Ok, the door was definitely locked, but apparently the door is broken.
Literally every person in the restaurant thought she'd seen a heck of a lot more than she had. Walk of shame from the bathroom!
3. You should always camp with a loved one, especially when the weather is below freezing.
I quite easily would have stayed there for another two hours.

Tent down, me out of the tent, and car on the road. Be still my beating heart!
Happy travelling!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I want my penny back.

Posted by K 

In case you don't live in Canada I've decided to provide some back story to the saga of the Canadian penny.

Earlier this year, the Canadian government effectively decided to discontinue the penny. The reasons given are the high cost of manufacturing and handling for a coin that is essentially worth nothing. The new plan is that if a consumer buys something and pays with cash, the store will adjust the price to the nearest nickel (5 cents). The idea was that items with a final cost that ends with $0.01, $0.02, $0.06 and $0.07 would be rounded down, and $0.03, $0.04, $0.08, and $0.09 would be rounded up.

Behold! the glorious penny!

I'm not sure if it's my irrational hatred of anything new, (or maybe paranoia), but I was definitely not excited to hear about this.

I've already had my first annoying incident when I went to pay for some fast food:

I had to dig through my whole purse!

I then complained to anyone that would listen how what the guy did must be illegal...

That was when I found out that they didn't make the 'rounding' rules a law. It's a "guideline". Like "don't eat snacks after 7pm". Because we all follow those. There is no legal consequence for not following the rounding rules.

And I know it's just 3 cents. But besides the principle of the thing, those 3 cents could really add up. I did the math. Which is saying something because I hate math.

Say, hypothetically, that an iced cream costs $2.77 with tax. And say on one warm summer day, at a large chain of ice cream shops, 100 000 people buy iced cream with their change, that would add up to $3000 extra that belongs to people being paid to the stores.

And that is just one hypothetical day and one hypothetical purchase! I don't think I've said hypothetical enough. Hypothetical!


Anyway, so now I'm paying for everything with my credit card. Which makes for a completely ridiculous bill.  $0.97 for a Score Bar, $2.54 for a small pack of Kleenex...but I digress.

In conclusion, I want the penny back. It would be nice if just once my paranoia turned out to be wrong. But let's face it, they really are out to get us. ***cue twilight zone music

Sunday, May 05, 2013

What doesn't kill us...

Posted by M

Do you ever find yourself questioning things that we do in society? Like, for what reason were certain norms and expectancies put into place? I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of wanting to see people behave as though we are characters from Lord of the Flies. (Sidebar: Poor Piggy. Is he not like the saddest character in literary history? I suppose the Mulberry faced boy is up there too.)

I also think a lot of our normal pleasanteries are designed to test our patience and to see how far we can be pushed before we CRACK!

I consider myself a decently patient person. But sometimes (more often if I'm low on caffeine) I find myself wanting to kick politeness to the curb (see M-Hulk post for what this might look like. SPOILER: It's not pretty).

Situation A: The local coffee joint

My husband and I frequent a Tim's which is attached to an Esso station near work. We love this Tim's because they make consistently good coffee and are quick. Recently, a new employee has been testing my will.

One morning, our order was concluded with a:

I'm SooOOOO sorry. Are two coffees  not enough for you good sir?

I could only gather that this type of blatant "you suck and are cheap" attitude caused his bosses to take him off of the speaker, as the next time he was at the cash register. His new way of testing us is to 'pretend' that the pay pass machine isn't working. (I say 'pretend' because I truly believe that a child could figure out how to work the pay pass machine...or would at least have more patience trying to).

*Two seconds later* "Nope, sorry, your pay pass doesn't work"
How about...I don't know...actually touching the card to the machine? Just a thought.

Situation B: The superstore

Let's be honest: superstores are created to test the will of human beings. Sure, you get wholesale foods at decent prices. You can get a giant jar of olives for the price of two small ones, woot woot! And hey, superstore gas stations are the cheapest in town! But why create a seemingly amazing store, only to add constant obstacles to the mix?

For example, the parking:

FYI: My car is not in this picture
I'm basically exhausted when I get to the store. The store is like a million square feet, so this is not good. Also, there is no sidewalk, and for a clutz like me that really doesn't bode very well.

There's also the shopping cart obstacle course:

Seriously, where ARE you people?! I just want my olives!
Look, we all know you are eating the free samples, but please, take your giant cart with you!

Situation C: The doctor's office

Last, but certainly not least, is the doctor's office. Any sort of medical establishment really. You kindly make an appointment so the doctor knows you're coming. You respectfully show up 15 minutes early as the receptionist requested. They lead you into a room and...

I wish I'd brought a book...
Am I going to be here for the rest of my life?!!

It's like they know when you've lost the will.

I don't know...I guess I'm saying that we need to question these things sometimes, or else people become real a-holes. Either that, or the motto "if you can't beat them, join 'em" will have to become my spice of life!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

New posts coming soon!

Posted by K 

Many apologies for the lack of posts recently, we are hoping to present you with some hilarious, Paint illustrated stories soon!

Upcoming stories include M discussing the decay of modern society (at least that's how I describe it, she may say something "less heavy"), me finally adding up my bus hours (which I haven't tallied since 2012...yikes), and probably a Quincy the cat video (if I can figure out how to work this blogger thingy). The point being you will be glad you kept reading! Trust us! I promise!

Who couldn't trust these faces?

While we're on the subject of random segways (okay, we weren't on that topic. but it's ironic. Deal with it), now that the weather has gotten hot again, I'd like to give a shout out to all my fellow allergy sufferers. While the rest of the city is all "WOOHOO! Shorts weather!" we're all walking around like "I want to go live in a bubble so my eyes stop itching for 2 seconds". I see those glares on the buses. They need to make Kleenex that has "ALLERGIES" written in big letters, so whenever I blow my nose people don't think I have the plague.

This morning after I checked the weather, I decided to see what the weekend has in store Allergy-wise and now I am extremely depressed:

One of my worst allergies (among many) is Birch. I guess they don't call Canada "land of the silver birch" for nothing. It's hard to take in the majesty of the might birch when you can't stop sneezing. Good times.

Anywho, maybe buy your favorite allergy sufferer an iced-cap or something.

Happy Thursday!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

From Why is an Orange?

Credit for Ferdy's bunny costume goes to our fabulous mother, who had the patience, imagination and sewing skills to create it! And also probably a touch of crazy, much like her daughters :)

Friday, March 08, 2013

Scary Story

Posted by K 

Prepare yourselves for a horror story the likes you've never seen!

Okay, it's more accurate to say: a horror story the likes you've never seen drawn! In Paint! That actually happened! To us!

The scene: M's House: Night.

It started as an innocent sleepover, with the goal of catching up on the latest episodes of the tv show New Girl. You know, the one with Zooey Deschanel. It's pretty hilarious. Not Modern Family hilarious, but it beats Two Broke Girls pretty hard.

It was about 9pm, and we were taking a break before switching to a Disney movie. I hear you judging us, and I don't care.

I took a bathroom break, and while walking by the upstairs I heard a really bizarre noise.

It's really hard to describe, it started pretty faint, but it was kind of like a mix of jingle bells, someone laughing and a baby crying. The Jingle-Laugh-Baby Cry was on a loop every 10 seconds or so. I sort of stood there for a minute trying to figure out if it was coming from outside (NO) or from the neighbor's house (NO). And as I stood there it started to get louder. M (from the couch) saw the weird look on my face and came over:

K: "Do you have any Christmas decorations up there?"

M: "No, we don't have any noise-making ones anyway".

Cue awkward pause while we both tried to think logically what it could be.....then:

Yes, there was screaming. No, it was not dignified.

At this point you may be thinking that we are both giant babies. But you have to believe me, the sound was super disturbing. I spent almost 3 hours trying to upload the sound to this blog last Saturday, just to prove it. Alas, my arch-enemy (technology) won again. Note to Blogger: ADD A SOUND FUNCTION!!!!

I can't really explain why we thought someone was in the house, I mean, we'd been sitting there for over 2 hours. We'd both been upstairs at different points. Pretty sure we would have noticed some creepy person hanging out. I can only say that I thought it was some sort of serial killer trying to play mental games with us. On a completely unrelated note, I watch much too much Criminal Minds.

After our movie-esque screams I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a big knife and M ran to the living room and grabbed her cell phone. We rendezvous'd on the couch facing the stairs. I think we were pretty freaking organized considering there was no "serial killer" plan in place*

*Note to everyone: you should probably put a "serial killer" plan on paper. Like a fire escape plan. You know, just in cases.

What followed were 2 phone calls: a frantic one to M's husband to come home IMMEDIATELY. The second one was him calling back to check the actual threat level. I only heard one side of the convo as I was manning the knife, but I imagine it went something like this:

A (M's husband): Hi again. I just wanted to check, is this something that can be really easily explained?

M: NO, it's like nothing I've ever heard!

A (M's husband): It couldn't be something like, I don't know, the alarm clock?

M: The alarm doesn't make that sound!!! Wait. Doesn't it have a 'jungle noise' setting? Hmmm. Stay on the line while we take the knife and go check."

We climbed the stairs together brandishing the knife in front of us, opened the bedroom door, and yes, it was the stupid alarm clock. I ask you, what company is sadistic enough to think people would EVER want to wake up to that?!
They just made my 'Revenge' list. And that is not a place you want to be. Once I have the time (and some money) I will be getting even with every single person/corporation on that list. A storm is coming.

Silver-lining: If it really had been a serial killer, we would have confused the living daylights out of him. He would have been all "I'll play this creepy noise, then they'll come upstairs and I'll grab them! BwaHaHA!"
But instead he would have heard some screaming and then come downstairs to find us armed and cell-phoned! It may have just been a knife, but we were both Chief Scouts. We are highly trained in the art of knife and ax wielding. Also, we are highly trained in building toilets in the woods. But I digress.

After it was all over we sort of laughed (well, nervous giggle is more accurate), and watched our Disney. But I think I speak for both of us when I say the emotional scars will last much longer. And now I associate New Girl with serial killers. Thank you alarm company.

Side-note: Where was Darcy the cat during all this? In the basement. Sleeping. Yeah, best attack cat ever.

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Common Bus Problems #1 - K shares her lucky people you.

I consider myself somewhat of a bus expert. Not by choice, but necessity, I have been a regular rider of OC Transpo for around 10 years. Wow that's sad. I've been a hard core rider for a little over 2 years, and (if you look to the left) I've clocked some serious bus hours.

I've decided to share some of my tips to deal with the ridiculousness that is city bus transportation. While everyone has their own mentally crushing experiences, there are some common problems that we all face. I going to make this a weekly special, so tune in next week for another BUS TIP!

P.S. -  As a sidenote, I haven't updated the bus hours because I have to add up the time for the rest of 2012, but it should be coming soon. I have a feeling it will be a disgustingly big number!

P.P.S - I know I've said I'll do weekly specials before, and I let you down. Let's be realistic and say this will be a bi-weekly special.
Wait, does by-weekly mean twice a week, or every 2 weeks? Hmm, I think I mean bi-monthly. Yes, we're going with that. Tune in 2 weeks from now for another BUS TIP!

Without further ado, I present our first tip!

Mystery Bus

I've had a long day, I just want to go home. I've been standing at the station for what feels like forever, and it's freezing out.  Anyone who has waited for a bus at a major station has learned (probably the hard way, like me) that you have to watch EVERY SINGLE BUS that goes by on the off chance it's yours. One momentary lapse and your done. I remember one incident where I was distracted by some 15 year old boy full-on dancing at the stop like it was a disco. I looked up just in time to see my bus blow past me. That little dance break cost me another 30 minutes in the cold! But I digress.

The problem I wanted to talk about is when the bus pulls up, but doesn't display a number. What are you supposed to do? Go up and ask (potentially missing your own bus in the process)? Wait and hope it isn't?

It's super sucky.

K's Solution:

I've developed a (super creepy) method of recognizing other people who are on my bus every day. I keep an eye on the buses going by, while watching everyone approach the Mystery bus. If someone I recognize gets on I make a run for it, if not, I'm still in position to observe all the other buses for my number.

You might be uncomfortable doing this, but let's face it, you probably spend a lot of time on the bus with these people, why pretend you don't make up nicknames in your head. You don't? Okay judgy, maybe it's just me. Here are a few examples to get you started:

Smiley Lady: She used to take the bus with me in the mornings at 6:30 am (before I switched to the 6am bus, that's right, 6am). Rain or shine or snowpocalypse, she always boards the bus smiling.

Art Student: I recognize this kid by the poster holder that he always carries. Look for easy to spot items like a trombone case or a particularly fascinating hat. Pretty sure my magic winter hat has helped a few people board the correct bus. You're welcome peeps.

Cape Man: I'm not making this up. There is a guy who wears a cape and takes OC Transpo. He is awesome. And really easy to spot if you know he frequents your neighborhood.

This has been 'Bus Tips with K'. Signing off; may your face stay unfrozen and your bus waits be short.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Ain't she unglamo-rays

Posted by M

I have recently come to believe that I may secretly be the She-Hulk. For those of you who don't know, She-Hulk, a.k.a. Jennifer Walters, is the crime-fighting cousin of the angry green hulk. If you are currently yelling, "NERD ALERT" at your computer screen, calm down, I only just wiki'd this info. Jeez.

Anyway, when Jennifer Walters gets stressed and angry, she turns into a nasty green giant (and not of the vegetable variety) and basically kicks ass. I'm not suggesting that I've been fighting hard crime in my spare time, mostly because my fights have all been with inanimate objects. But I am seriously concerned that I may have the inner hulk rage inside of me.

 Exhibit A:

After cooking up a delicious cinnamon bun cake, I had to wait what felt like FOREVER to put it in a tupperware container. Cake takes way too long to cool down, just saying. So finally, after hours of waiting, I snatched a knife, cut' er up, and grabbed my favourite spatula to move the cake.

Oh cinnamon cake, you are finally ready.

Are you kidding me right now?!

M-Hulk SMASH!!!

Exhibit B:

One morning this week, after sleeping in late, I decided to wear a shirt that I got for Christmas for the first time. It is polka-dotty and awesome. It was, however, stupid wrinkled. After working out the wrinkles I discovered I had all of five minutes to get the rest of myself together. I ran for the bathroom, put in my contacts, and decided I'd do a simple up-do in my hair.

Brushy brushy


With half the brush stuck in my hair, I angrily gave fists of death to the sky.

In conclusion, I have decided that I either have extreme strength (which, judging by my inability to lift a ten pound weight above my head, is not the case), or I'm a superhero in disguise. Maybe I should call up Stan Lee? Avengers 2 here I come!!

Monday, January 07, 2013

Public Service Announcement : Apparently Q-tips are EVIL

Posted by K 

I spent the last week lying in bed feeling super gross, in that really sucky not-asleep-not-awake fog where you're really out of it, but you feel too awful to sleep. Not the best start to 2013, but as I got the sore throat that precluded the sickness in 2012 I'm blaming it on that year.

I figured I had the flu, but after 5 days I seemed to be getting worse, not better. This was when M visited me to convince me to go to the doctor's.

I hate going to the walk-in clinic.

I always have to wait hours to get in, and 3 out of 4 visits the doctor's like "Yup, you have a virus.", and I'm like "Soo, do you have any antibiotics I could take?", and they're like "Tylenol." Thanks for that. Totally worth it.

Anyway, the conversation went a little like this:

The next day we went to the clinic.

After waiting 3 hours (during which time I'm pretty sure M was exposed to every version of the cold/flu hanging out in Ottawa this winter) we finally got in. And it turns out I have a severe ear infection. Didn't see that one coming. The doctor asked "Do you use q-tips?", and I was like "yes....", and she said "No more Q-tips! You put them too far into your ear and then you get an infection! Only use Q-tips outside your ear, for fun."

(I kind of let the "for fun" advice slide as I was shocked about the infection part).

Anywho, she was definitely right since now I can't hear out of my left ear. I'm on medication though, so here's hoping that little chestnut will clear up soon.

So, I've decided to spread the word, from my (slightly muffled) sick bed. Q-tips are bad.

Unless you're using them for fun.