Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Don't make me sleepy. You wouldn't like me when I'm sleepy.

I'm not sure if I updated the blog with my latest bus experience, probably I didn't because it's super depressing, but long story short, they've decreased the number of buses on my route so I now have to get up at 5am during the week to get to work on time. Yayyyyy.

Anyway, this means that my weekends have become a beacon of light in a long, ridiculously tiring week, the beautiful chance to sleep in.

However, apparently someone in my neighborhood has decided to ruin it for me by interrupting my sleep for the ENTIRE weekend. Their weapon of choice: Enrico Iglesias.

Last Weekend

Friday Night:

I realize not everyone is in bed at midnight on a Friday, but at least take your conversations indoors. Or talk at the audio level of a regular person, not like you're yelling across a football field.

Saturday Night:

Enrico Iglesias music?! And, I kid you not, these people applauded after every song.

It's. a. CD. Not a real person. He can't hear you clap for him.

I would have called the cops, except I can't remember the non-emergency number. I'm pretty sure if I called 911 to complain about Enrico Iglesias I would end up with a large fine.

Sunday Morning:

Being woken up by a loud motorcycle is a really sucky way to start a Sunday.

Hey, dude. Yeah, you working on the motorcycle at the crack of dawn every weekend. It's been over a year now and that freaking thing still doesn't work. You clearly lack the skills to fix it, so for the love of my sanity STOP WORKING ON IT!!!!

I have been inspired to come up with a new plan. One that will save the tax-payers money by not involving the police. It's brilliant. And that's not just the sleep deprivation talking.

Behold, my plan for this weekend:

Step 1, determine which house the craziness stems from:

Quincy is united in the search, as he keeps getting woken up by Iglesias.

Step 2: Sneak into the back yard and hide smelly cheese around the perimeter.

Smelly cheese = no one wants to party outside = K gets to sleep in. Mathematics for the win.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Posted by M


This literally happened to me today. The headache which ensued is killing me, but not quite as much as the fact that there were witnesses. So what have I got to lose? Enjoy.

"How convenient," I think, as I was just about to get my phone. By the way,
 that thing in the middle is my staircase. Just want to clarify for later.

I missed the staircase.

I'm going to go lay down now. Sigh.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Posted by M

Clumsiness. A free and clearly legit online dictionary defines it as "Lacking physical coordination, skill, or grace; awkward." . Yep, I think most of my friends and family would say that my picture could easily appear under "clumsy" in a dictionary.

I wish that part about the fridge door was a lie. Alas...

For most of my life, I have been walking into to things, tripping, dropping, breaking items and generally doing myself injury in completely stupid ways. I even tried to diagnose my clumsiness using online doctor sites...Let me just say right now that you should NEVER do this. According to these people, the answer is ALWAYS that you have some rare disease or incurable illness. Not the simple answer, that you are probably just spacially stupid.

To demonstrate what I mean, here are some recent instances of clumsiness by yours truly:


This looks like a job for...
I feel it's only right to tell you that my husband had already banned me from using super glue due to previous incidents. But I just couldn't resist when I saw it at the dollar store! I mean, come on, 4 tubes for a dollar!! Who could resist that?
Yep. Goodbye index fingers.
For the record, he wasn't surprised. Also for the record, the answer is nail polish.


You want to know what happened? I fell over. Standing on my own two feet, I fell over. Well, you asked.



Well, as a wise person once told me, it is what it is. From now on I think I'll just dress in bubble wrap, at least then I will enjoy the sound of popping plastic bubbles when I fall down.

Monday, August 06, 2012

Shawshank Debate

Posted by K 

About 2 weeks ago, I was having a conversation about movies with M :

One week later:

At that point of the argument our brother decided to inject in an effort to defend the happiness factor of "Love Actually".

Later that night:

Moral of the story: "Shawshank Redemption" is the best movie ever.

***DISCLAIMER: You probably shouldn’t watch the movie unless you’re over 14. Or something. I don’t even know the rating system anymore. I saw a movie last year where a kid gunned down a bunch of adults and it was PG-13. Ridiculous. Anyway, if you watch Shawshank Redemption ‘here there be killings’ so use your own discretion.***

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Lunch judgement.

Posted by K 

Okay, I admit it. i still eat those pre-packaged lunch-things. The ones with the crackers and cheese. They're just so easy, plus, I love the Kit Kat.

I find you have to peel the rind off the meat to make it edible.

There are also surprising benefits to eating them. For example, last week I joined the "Schneider's Lunch Mates Club." It's an on-line store where you can redeem codes on the packages for prizes. I know you're probably thinking it's pathetic, but I can totally get free movies and a free song download! I'm planning on getting "Born to be Wild" to add to my ipod mix for an upcoming roadtrip. That song would have cost me at least $1 off iTunes! Now that is value.

However, not everyone shares my enthusiasm for "lunch mates." Apparently some people are offended by the fact that I'm 26 and still eating them. It's rarely said out loud, but the stares speak volumes. Even the lunchmates website judged me. When I entered my age, it asked whether I was setting up an account for a younger family member. What, 26 year olds don't enjoy free movies too?

And in case anyone thinks this is some kind of endorsement, I assure you I am NOT getting paid. Also, the meat in the set kind of sucks. I mean , kielbasa? Really?
I'm just saying, they who judgeth the luncheon of others shall not be asketh'd to attend "Expendables II" for free.