Monday, November 26, 2012

Tales from the doctor's office

Posted by M

This post could also be entitled, "How not to raise your child: A judgemental guide from a highly irritated non-parent."

Recently I was waiting for my husband at a doctor's office. Medical establishments are not known to be the most enjoyable, doolally of places, but for the most part the only battle is against people who insist on:

a) Sharing their illness with the room.
I'm just here for a check up!! >:l

b) Sitting right next to you when the room is empty.
Do you not get enough social interaction or something?! Yeesh.

Anyway, when I entered the office, I was actually pleasantly surprised by the quietness and seemingly unsickness of all who were there. It's an Urgent Care Centre (like a mini-hospital), so I was truly relieved when I didn't see anyone with gushing wounds or looking like they were going to need a vomit bag any second.

My husband was eventually called in, and I sat pleasantly scrolling through Pinterest on my phone. About a minute passed, and a lady entered the room with her small child of about 3. I smiled pleasantly at her and the child, as that is the "proper" thing to do when you see a well-behaved child. I even found it kind of cute when the girl proceeded to play with a Disney Princess microphone, happily singing away.

And then it happened. I don't know if it was the chocolate her mother gave her (a Halloween-sized Aero Bar), or her trip to the bathroom (pre-empted by a loud "I HAVE TO POO MOMMY"), but whatever it was, it was like the child was taken over by some horrible, loud and obnoxious being. She was, in essence, the Rubrecht child.

Now, if you don't know who Rubrecht is, you need to watch the classic Steve Martin/ Michael Caine movie, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (check it out here: ). Suffice it to say, Rubrecht is a character depicted by Martin who is a totally disobeying, loud, socially unacceptable child who has to eat with a cork on his fork. The cork on the fork is unimportant to this story, but makes me laugh EVERY time.

So the next HOUR went a lot like this:
I'm not being mean, the kid's hair really did look like that. She fell off a chair and rubbed her staticky toy all over her head.
Imagine Fay Wray from King Kong seeing the gorilla for the first time and letting out a blood curdling scream. This was worse.

Yep, that's spit. She spit on her mom's shoes.

It's times like these when one really starts to debate the whole having children things. Let's just say my enthusiasm was greatly depleated/ pushed off.

Eventually (and by this I mean an HOUR later), the mother moved herself and her child to new seats, saying, "Let's give these people a break for awhile". To which I let out a silent expletive of relief.

Can all the bad parents of the world unite and decide to live somewhere the Falkland Islands? Food for thought people, food for thought.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Voting closed

So the blogger polling got totally screwed up, and didn't really work for the majority of the week. But if we go by the final tally, I totally win:

  • Yes, K is correct, they could totally be twins! Total:   7 (70%)
  • No, no they don't. Stick to Paint, K. Total: 1 (10%)
  • I have no opinion, but I like clicking buttons. Woohoo! Total: 2 (20%)

     It's pretty hard to say whether or not this is in any way accurate, but 7 to 1 is a pretty clear victory...for me.

    This is the time when I am humble in victory, accepting it with grace and modesty, and refraining from "rubbing it in" or gloating needlessly.

    Yeah, no unnecessary gloating.

    p.s.- The time it took to put that image together? Totally worth it :)

    Friday, November 02, 2012

    Vote update

    Okay, so for some reason the poll (which I put up last night) has reset itself. When i went to bed there were 4 votes, but now there is only 1. I googled (yes, that is now a verb) to see if anyone else is having this problem, and apparently it's happening on several blogs. No one has an answer why yet, but hopefully it will be fixed soon!

    Anyway, for the sake of fairness (because this is such an important issue I don't want people to think I'm cheating), the votes when I went to bed were 1 yes, 2 no, 1 doesn't care.
    I'll try to check the vote at least once a day to keep a semi-accurate tally, so when I win it will be even more glorious :)

    If you haven't voted yet (and consequently have no idea what I'm talking about) read the post below and feel free to weigh by voting on the left side of the screen, where the "Bus Points" usually are. Merci and TGIF!

    Thursday, November 01, 2012

    Vote! No, not that vote, a different vote.

    Posted by K 


    The first vote in Why Is an Orange? history!

    This vote is brought to you by my brother-in-law, who insinuated I was crazy for mixing two actresses up and insisting the doctor from Stargate SG-1 (on the left, Teryl Rothery) plays the wicked step-mother on Once Upon a Time (actually played by Lana Parilla on the right).

    Yes, I may have mixed them up and insisted I was right, but, in my defense, they look the same. Seriously, they could be twins. And I would know, being a twin myself.

    Left - Teryl Rothery from (Stargate SG-1), Right - Lana Parilla (Once Upon a Time)

    Anyway, don't let my opinion (correct though it is) sway you, I'm looking for unbiased input to decide the matter. Please vote (on the left side of your screen), the options are:

    • Button #1: Yes, K is correct
    • Button #2: No, K is crazy
    • Button #3: You could care less, but you still want your opinion heard.

    The vote is open for 1 week!

    p.s.- in case someone thinks I'm cheating, these are the pictures from their IMDb pages, which is totally legit (well, as legit as the internet is...)

    p.p.s.- please vote. If no one votes I'll be forced to log-in on various computers around the city and rig the data to make it look like people care, and that victory would just be really hollow. But I'd still count it as a victory.