Spam.

Posted by K  

Last Thursday morning, I opened my inbox to find these:

I love that this person went to the effort of scamming my e-mail address from somewhere, but couldn’t even run said e-mail through a spell checker. That’s just bad business. Bad spam business.

Really? You’re yelling at me? That seems unnecessary.

I have been spammed. Big time.

When you look at the messages as a whole, it's actually a pretty big insult to my intelligence. One came from the address “hairpins88@seamaritima”. Because that sounds super legit.

I have to say though, the one that really takes the cake is a lovely number sent by “Marthias Sherpard” (unusual name):

“I am Marthias Sherpard Director Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agent in Epple AirField International Airport. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from Nigeria.The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in London are tagged on the Metal Trunk box.If you want us to transact the delivery for mutual benefit, you should provide your Phone Number, full address,Be happy and respond so that i will give good news”

Really? A "metal trunk box"?

I have had enough. Between the ridiculous e-mails and the automated phone calls, I spend all my time online second guessing whether I should open my e-mails or not.


Revenge will be mine!

I’ve begun crafting a response (to be sent from a fake e-mail address of course, why mess with a good system?) How does this sound?:

Dear Marthias Sherpard,

Thank you for informing me about the arrival of my Metal Trunk box. I’ve been waiting for that Metal Trunk box to show up at my home for about 6 years, I have no idea how it turned up in Nigeria. Clearly the company I ordered it from needs to work on their labeling. 

I must warn you however, not to open my Metal Trunk box without the proper safety gear, something along the lines of a HAZMAT suit would be appropriate. I repeat, DO NOT OPEN the Metal Trunk box. The box was originally an order through the "Cheese of the month" club, and as that was 6 years ago I must assume it has evolved into a new and disturbing life form, or at least an extremely toxic mold.

If you would be kind enough to transfer $500 USD to my account (via paypal) I would be happy to arrange for the transport and delivery of my Metal Trunk box full of stinky cheese. This price is actually a bargain when you consider the thousands you'll save on a hazardous waste disposal team.

Sincerely yours,

 Dr. G. Ouda, Attorney at Law.