Thursday, April 05, 2012

The Enforcer strikes again!

posted by M

When I was in high school, one of the most effective (and frankly hilarious) anti-drug commercials came on T.V. It featured a mother who would jump into rooms yelling things like, "When I SAY no weed, I MEAN no weed!!", all the while turning off favourite T.V. shows, dramatically ripping Game Boys out of hands and grounding her weed-smoking, delinquent son. She was known simply as, "The Enforcer".  Even more hilarious was the use of sayings like "Why you trippin?", but that's neither here nor there.

For reasons still unknown to me today, I really took to this commercial. I began to be known amongst my friends as our very own "Enforcer", getting dramatically worked up over injustices school-wide. I could be heard throughout the hallways declaring things like, "When I SAY don't crowd the halls, I MEAN don't crowd the halls!" and elbowing my way through clumping grade 9's. Or, "When I SAY use both sides of that paper, I MEAN use both sides of that paper!". It entertained us for some time.

In adulthood, I still find myself easily annoyed by people doing stupid and inconsiderate things. I have had to work hard, in fact, to learn ways to calm down and to not take people's careless acts so personally. In times when I feel the rage welling up, I have often reflected on my days as the Enforcer. I mean, what if I really COULD enforce things that annoy me? I could be like an honorary police officer, roaming the streets and stopping injustice everywhere! If I was a real, live Enforcer, I could even wear a fancy cowboy hat and badge, and NO ONE could question my decisions (or ensemble)!!

It would look something like this:
Yes, the hat would be this big.

Sweet! Now that I've got the all duds figured out, all I needs is to locate me some wrong-doers!

Like that jackbum at the park or beach who insists on smoking, despite the fact that it is illegal and there are signs everywhere:

How about a little H2O with that toxic stick? HAH!

Or one of those freaking tailgators who feels that you're just not driving fast enough for them, despite the fact you are already going 12km over the speed limit:


And last but not least, those people who take PARTIAL food (half a muffin or a partial orange) at meetings and get-togethers because they just want a little bit and "someone else will finish it off!". Come ON, we all know it's going to get thrown out!:


Ahhhhhhh, I feel so much better now :).

1 comment:

  1. Are you taking on deputies? I am SO game. Are we related or what?