Dear Spiders : Game on.

Posted by K


Those spiders think they're so smart, crawling on the ceiling where I can't reach them. I thought we had an understanding; the spiders stay out of my bedroom and I don't mercilessly squish them. But they've broken that treaty like 8 times in the past two weeks. So truce over.

They're not even the regular spiders, they're those creepy beige-coloured spiders that you don't see until they're crawling across the page of your book. They're crafty with their ability to blend into white walls. So far they've evaded me pretty effectively:



Attempt 1: regular tissue.

Fail. I couldn't reach that high :(

Attempt 2: throwing whole tissue box.

Instead of killing it, the box only knocked the spider into a pile of my clothing. Which means my shirt is probably a spider taxi right now.

 Attempt 3: Quincy attack

Even our combined length couldn't reach the spider.

All attempts have failed. But guess what? I have a plan. Just because it's called a fly swatter doesn't mean they own it, spiders! I'm going to find the longest fly swatter on the market, and then vengeance will be mine.

And because one of you spiders tried to land on my head at 5:30 in the morning (scaring about a year off my life), I'm going to make it the most obnoxiously happy fly swatter available. Maybe in the shape of a happy face. How horrible would that be as the last thing you see? If I were a spider I would seriously consider evacuating the premises.

A storm is coming spiders.